Cauliflower

I am currently obsessed with cauliflower. Growing up, it was one of three or four standard vegetables that we just always had in the house (along with lettuce, carrots, and broccoli). My mom would steam it and we'd have it as a side dish with dino nuggets, topped with squeeze parkay and sometimes melted velveeta or kraft singles (anyone who cringes at processed food is waving red flags). When I moved out for college etc I almost never touched cauliflower again. I didn't hate it, I just didn't give a shit about that seemingly boring stupid vegetable.

For the record, I was wrong. I don't remember

where, but some day this past year somebody made me cook some cauliflower and I noticed that crap is delicious. Every vegetable has its own unique flavor, but I feel like with many it is pretty subtle, and usually masked by this overwhelming taste of generic vegetableness. Asparagus, broccoli, spinach, artichokes and romaine spring to mind; they all have unique properties, but to somebody who can't be bothered to really get into vegetables, all they taste like is 'green'. Cauliflower is NOT like that. It has this wonderful sulfur-y egg-reminiscent warmth to it, and I'm currently completely out of my mind in love with it.

Ways to Ruin Cauliflower

1. OVERCOOKING: turns into a pile of rotten-eggs watery mush. Ugh.
2. NOT COOKING IT: eat it raw if you personally like that, but don't open a restaurant catering to "health nuts" or vegetarians and put raw cauliflower on a salad and expect it to do anything other than be a crunchy irritation. It doesn't taste lovely unless it's cooked. Just blanch it or something, Jesus.
3. SERVING MASSIVE FLORETS AS A SIDE: I ordered a ribeye at a restaurant recently, and their side dish veg was one massive piece of steamed cauliflower, one massive piece of steamed broccoli, maybe some carrots; I don't remember. While looking pretty cool on the plate, it ws just kind of overwhelming as a side. And unimaginative! And so much stem! It was odd to me.

Cool Things to do with Cauliflower

1. PICKLING IT: I'm currently lacto-fermenting a bowl of some in the kitchen. I chopped it really really fine, salted it, weighed it down with a pitcher full of water until the moisture in the cauliflower was leached out, and in another week or so I'll have awesome sauerkraut style cauliflower. Rad.
2. PICKLING IT ANOTHER WAY: Alton Brown had a pickling episode where he made curried cauliflower pickles. I've been meaning to try it out.
3. SPEAKING OF CURRY: Those Indians have it figured out. Aloo Gobi is probably my new favorite food.
4. SPEAKING OF MIXING IT WITH POTATOES: If you're trying to cut calories or carbohydrates, you can replace some or even all of your mashed potatoes with cauliflower. Steam it, mash it, season it. Is it the same as mashed potatoes? Nah, it's not as dense or potato-y, but give it a try; shit's dank. Mix in some cheese or nutritional yeast, some paprika or something, you're good to go.
5. STEAKS: I know I was hating on huge florets as a side dish, but this blog cut the entire head of cauliflower into cross-section 'steaks', sus-vide-ed it (a slow, temperature controlled baste in its own juices, basically) with curry and served it as an entree. Rad.
6. AT MY RESTAURANT: my chef has infused and strained cauliflower into cream to use in gratins, and made cauliflower purees to use as plate garnishes, just to add little nagging hints of brassican deliciousness.

You like math? Cauliflower has fractals or some shit; just look at it:

It also has a lot of fiber and vitamin C, if you're tired of getting those from artificial sources.